Money and Narcissism
This blog article reflects the conversation hosts Mel Pearce and Darlene Neu had on our podcast season 2 episode 7, Money and Narcissism.
The connection between narcissism and money
Narcissism has become a buzzword in recent years, often thrown around in conversations about toxic relationships and manipulative behaviours. But what exactly is narcissism? According to Dr. Google, narcissism is characterized by selfishness, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. It's a personality type that can deeply affect various aspects of life, including financial relationships.
Narcissism and money are closely linked because money is a powerful tool and necessary in modern life. It can be a source of control in various relationships, whether at home, at work, or in any other context where power dynamics are at play. Narcissists often use money to manipulate and maintain control over others. This can manifest in subtle or overt ways, leading to significant emotional and psychological impacts on the person on the receiving end.
Recognizing manipulative behaviour
Narcissists are adept at manipulating those around them to get what they want. They often use phrases designed to undermine and control, such as "You need to toughen up," "No one will believe you," or "You're too sensitive." These statements are intended to evoke an emotional response, diminish the other person's self-esteem, and maintain the power balance in the narcissist's favour. Other signs you might be dealing with a narcissistic personality include being exploited:
They may use you financially to maintain their own self-image of superiority, disregarding your needs or feelings to focus on their own desires. This might play out with making non-discussed high-end purchases or overspending on maintaining a social standing ‘image’.
They may feel entitled to access your finances and make decisions without your input, leading to conflicts and financial strain.
Or on a more deeper emotional level they might make you feel stupid, worthless or guilty so much so that you let them just get their way.
Overall, the person on the receiving end is left with a bad feeling when it comes to money.
Empowerment through financial literacy and participation
One way to combat the influence of narcissism in financial relationships is through education and empowerment. It's crucial, especially in romantic partnerships, to understand and manage your finances interdependently. Don't outsource all financial decisions to your partner; instead, educate yourself about where the money is going and how it's being used. Make sure you have a voice in financial decisions and strive for equal participation.
The workplace is another environment where narcissism can thrive. It’s about awareness and accountability. Employers may use their position of power to control and manipulate employees, leading to an unhealthy work environment. It's important for employees to be aware of their rights and to advocate for fair treatment. Making sure they know what their entitlements are under their Award, or employment contract, and that they are being paid what is owed. If you're in a position of power, strive to treat your employees with respect and equality, recognizing their contributions and valuing their wellbeing.
Practical steps to address the power play
· Educate yourself: Learn about financial matters relevant to your situation, whether it's budgeting, investing, or understanding loan terms. Knowledge is power and can help you make informed decisions.
· Ask questions: If you're dealing with a financial advisor, mortgage broker, or banker, don't be afraid to ask questions. If their answers are dismissive or make you feel unintelligent, consider finding someone else to work with. You have the right to understand the terms and implications of any financial agreement you're entering into.
· Stand up for yourself: Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, it's important to advocate for yourself. If something feels wrong or unfair, speak up. Even if it feels uncomfortable, asserting yourself can help prevent being taken advantage of.
Awareness and action
Awareness is the first step in combating the negative effects of narcissism. By recognizing manipulative behaviours and educating ourselves, we can better navigate these challenging situations. What else we could be mindful of, when we identify a narcissistic money dynamic in a household:
· Maintaining financial interdependence and avoiding mingling finances where possible – this means they don’t have control of your money and can’t get you into debt.
· Setting up your financial system so that every single dollar that comes into your household has a purpose and is being deliberately allocated, whether to expenses, fun money, goals and priorities. Not leaving money available for ad-hoc unplanned spending.
· Have clear family goals for what your savings money is going to, and check those regularly together – like a family holiday, a home upgrade, a better car.
· Dual signatories can be put on accounts preventing un-agreed movement of money from accounts with larger amounts in them.
· Whether at home, at work, or anywhere else, where we become aware of money control or an unbalanced power dynamic, seeking expert support is important. This could be such as contacting Fair Work if things are too messy, a therapist experienced with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a financial expert, or a debt counsellor. Depending on the situation, friends and family can only help to a point.
Personal experiences and lessons
We've all encountered situations where we've had to deal with narcissistic behaviour, sometimes without even realizing it. For example, dealing with an inflexible and unempathetic business owner can be incredibly frustrating and emotionally draining. The key is to recognize these situations and respond in a way that maintains your dignity and self-respect.
In summary
Whether in personal or professional contexts, strive for fairness, respect, and equality when it comes to financial relationships. Remember, you're entitled to understand and participate in the financial decisions that affect your life. Don't let narcissism dictate the terms—empower yourself with knowledge and confidence.
Listen to the full podcast here: https://www.themoneycollective.com.au/podcast
Further Support
Money can bring up a lot of emotion. If you felt triggered by some of the things we discussed in this episode please reach out to us or see some supports you may wish to reach out to below.
· Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 or SMS 0477 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
· Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support
· National Debt Helpline: 1800 007 007 https://ndh.org.au/
· Fair Work Ombudsman: https://www.fairwork.gov.au/employment-conditions/national-employment-standards
· Financial Counselling Australia: https://www.financialcounsellingaustralia.org.au/
· White Ribbon Australia: https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/helplines/
This article provides general advice only. It does not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information provided, you should consider the appropriateness of the information and the nature of the financial product in regards to your objectives, financial situation and needs. We recommend discussing your personal situation with a financial professional.
Blog article by:
MEL PEARCE
Co-Founder, Financial Wellbeing Coach and Mortgage Broker
The Money Collective